A break from theater and a new job

16 12 2008

Music: Everyone’s a little bit racist

For the last 6 months, I’ve had a week when I wasn’t in rehearsal (or production) for a play. I’ve really enjoyed it, and have deeply appreciated the way it’s allowed me to get to know people in this community and start developing a social network. But now I’m glad to have my evenings back.

I started working in one of the houses at Goldenrod yesterday. Goldenrod is an organization that works with adults with developmental disabilities. I’m a caregiver there. I’ve been nervous about not being very good at it, but so far so good. I feel a bit like I was thrown in under-prepared, but as long as they don’t mind me making some mistakes, it should be fine.

I’m going to Evanston this weekend! yeah! Awww… I missed blogging.

My new mantra: Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.


One in four

27 03 2007

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re okay, then it’s you.
Rita Mae Brown

I think my roommates and I rotate. We pass on the insanity.


6 02 2007

Becca (to me): Embrace your inner shag!
Me: That sounds dirty.
Becca: What can I do? It’s Sunday morning.

Feeling tired, worn out and sad.

Who Is Pro-Life? by Emmanuel Charles McCarthy …

28 10 2004

Who Is Pro-Life? by Emmanuel Charles McCarthy

As I read the triumphant headlines in the newspapers day after day–“U.S. Pounds Iraq from Air”–and saw the pictures of missiles streaking into Iraq, I could not help but hear the silent screams of all the little Iraqi children in utero who were having their lives ripped from them…Yet the silence on this matter of abortions induced by war–silence in the church, in pro-life circles, and in peace and justice efforts–is thunderous.

It is as if abortion for saving a person’s reputation is absolutely evil; abortion for saving a family’s economic life is absolutely evil; abortion for saving a person’s job is absolutely evil; abortion for saving a person from what he or she perceives to be an intolerable personal future is absolutely evil, but abortion to save oil fields for the present and future control and profit of American and British oil interests or to save the world from non-existent weapons of mass destruction or from a local dictator is morally permissible! It is as if patriotic earplugs have been discreetly employed by pro-lifers in order to not hear what they have been telling others to listen to for over thirty years–the silent screams.”

I get these things in my inbox everyday from a website called Bruderhof…. they’re really really interesting. I don’t know anything about the website, and I kind of signed up on a whim.

I also get quotes to my inbox here’s todays~ “If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get one million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.” – Robert X Cringely

An Irishman’s Philosophy of Life

29 09 2004

“In life, there are only two things to worry about, either you are well, or you are sick. If you are well, there is nothing to worry about, but if you are sick, you have two things to worry about; either you will live, or you will die. If you live, there is nothing to worry about, if you die, you have two things to worry about; either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about, but if you go to hell, you’ll be so busy shaking hands with your friends, you won’t have time to worry!”

For Your Pruning

28 09 2004

music: Sausy Sailor by the Wailin’ Jennys~ very cool group, a new favorite www.thewailinjennys.com

When Love speaks to you, believe in him,

though his voice may shatter your dreams,

as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth, so is he for your pruning.

Even as he ascends to your height and

caresses the tender branches that quiver in the sun,

so shall he descend to your roots

and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

~Kahlil Gibran

It’s been a wonderful day 🙂 nothing in particular, well….. I guess the fact that Jesse and I have been dating for 3 months ( I can’t believe that’s all it’s been!) has contributed to my mood, but it’s also because I feel more in control of my emotions and life in general. I taught Jesse to merengue tonight 🙂 fun times. C.S. Lewis is one of the best writers I’ve ever encountered, but I don’t agree with his thoughts on male headship (see Mere Christianity ch. christian marriage) eh, no one’s perfect 😉

Hehe, today is a good day! :-D

27 09 2004

music: Without You by the Dixie Chicks

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give — which is everything.”

“We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.”

“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” ~ James Baldwin

“Where there is love there is life.” ~Gandhi

“You don’t love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.”

Quote O’ The Day

22 09 2004

“Treasure the love you receive above all. It will survive long after your good health has vanished.” – Og Mandino

Can you love someone too much?

Last post from my Xanga account

13 09 2004

Monday, September 13, 2004

for future reference, my blog doesn’t have spell check ok, I can’t comment on that face every time I use it……..or can I…….It’s my blog I can……comment? if I want to…….whatever, yeah, I’m tired!

All of this to say, if you have a problem with my spelling…….DEAL!

Music~ Gina Holsopple

Ok, if I was barely hanging on before, than today was my sprawled on the floor twitching mode. I definitely ran on pure adrenilin from about 11 in the morning till now. That’s when the “giddy because I’m tired” stage hit. I had been working the coffee bar since 6:30. But……..

I’m dropping TESOL as a major, I’m dropping TESOL as a major, HALLELUIA! I’m dropping TESOL as a major!!!!!!!!!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I am so increadibly happy about this. I feel like a 200 pound weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

In other news I’m not doing NATS Because I not going to miss the Assembly church retreat. I’m missing NATS, an ICRID meeting in Indy and a Deaf film festival in Chicago so I can go. I don’t think I’ve ever had so many conflicting things at one time before! hehe….. I think I put that there just because I like that face so much.

And last but not least…………….

Love is not something you do,

Love is a way of being.

And more than that.

It is simply being,

Being with another person, however they may be.

Holding no judgments, having no agendas,

No desire to control,

No need to prove your love,

No intrusion upon their soul.

Nothing but a total acceptance of their being,

Born of your acceptance of yours.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

today is going to be interesting! I’m exausted…..that’s what late night discussions (and I mean LATE night) can do to you. I have church in a bit, then cooking for JoAnne’s Birthday, then the party then a coffee shop meeting, then a dorm floor meeting, then somewhere in here I’m going to have to do 3 hours worth of homework, then I work from 6:30-11………hummmm…..can we say barely hanging on?

Friday, September 10, 2004

This morning I was awakened by my radio as usual, only today coutry music did not greet my ears, but what sounded like desperate voices over a transitor radio. In the first few moments I thought I was still dreaming, then I began to be frightened that something bad had happened. Finally, an announcer’s voice came on and the eirey music set in. I relaxed, but in my fully awake state as I listened to the way things were phrased, the way the entire thing was presented, I began to feel upset. One statement stood out to me “The United States basked in silent innocence” Innocence. Innocence! No wonder my generation doesn’t realize the true nature of their own country. Not only is it hidden from them, but they are ingrained with false concepts of the State’s goodness. Now I am just sad.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Tea Time in Stephanie’s relaxation haven

Friday at 10:30! Come join…….sorry boys, girls only…..


9 09 2004

Thursday, September 09, 2004

“Remember, people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold — but so does a hard-boiled egg.”

Goodnight everyone……sleep well
Currently Reading Mere Christianity By C. S. Lewis

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Last night we went and saw “Super Size Me” Very interesting! It’s sad that overconsumtion has become such a health risk in this nation. Obesity is one thing, but even people who are blessed with high metablosim (like me) often aren’t healthy people. I should eat better and exercize…..if only there were more hours in a day. But then I’d just commit myself to more things. I need to learn to say no. Sigh….. ah well, my dogged paddling is keeping me just enough the out of the water that I can breath. It probably doesn’t look very graceful though.

Currently Playing Cold Mountain

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Ok, I’m in a better mood for those of you here who have seen me go into a slump the past day or so. Yesterday was HARD. I openned and closed the coffee shop and pretty much was going solid from 6 in the morning to 2 the next morning. (Jenn, even you couldn’t do that very easily ) After work I started on my ASL Interpreting home work and was very discoraged about it. But there were also beautiful things about the experience. It gave Abby and Meryl the oppertunity to show me how much they cared and that is going to stay with me alot longer than the self-doubt and frustration I felt. It was also wonderful this morning to spend a bit of time in all my anxiety to breath deep and share a few moments with Jesse. Sometimes we need the “end of the rope” experiences to teach us the value of the good times. I’m still convinced that I’m insane to think I could ever be an interpreter. O well too late now!

Currently Playing Annie (Original 1982 Motion Picture Soundtrack) It’s a hard knock life~ from Crystal’s I-tunes

Monday, September 06, 2004

This morning I opened the coffee shop by myself. Now this wasn’t a planned solo shift, but it went fine and really except for the first half hour of prep there was no reason to have another person. Today is another busy day. I’m going to make it to my first chapel! Yippee. Highs from this weekend- lunch with my parents, talking to Jenn, couples tennis with Aaron, Tanya, and Jesse, finishing my personal essay and having people edit it for me (thanks Cheryl, Jesse and Jess – this is a major accomplishment for me!), but biggest of all Girl’s Night. Lows- still not getting enough sleep, a really boring coffee shop meeting, and not getting all the homework done I wanted to.

Deep Thought- I hate being emotional sometimes, the high highs are nice, but the low lows suck

My personal essay for Expos:

Different Paths, Same Journey

Jenn and I started our journey as the sun peaked the eastern hills. Along the road and past the castle house, we clambered down steep concrete stairs that dumped us among the driftwood. Our steps were heavy as we waded through the coarse sea of damp sand. Pinpricks ran the length of my back as the gentle Oregon sunshine sent warmth down colliding with the stinging chilliness around my feet. Finally our feet found the hard packed ocean’s edge and turned north. We looked ahead to the seven mile trek following the white-capped waves past Lincoln City to Road’s End.

Jennifer and I have been part of each other’s journeys for seven years. I lived with her family during the weekends for 3 years. She is my sister in many ways. Most importantly she is my sister in Christ and while I lived with her family again this summer, that facet of our relationship strengthened. Long nights comparing religious understandings and personal experiences of faith have been commonplace, but this summer they took on a different tambour. Jenn found in me a deeper thirst for knowledge to couple with the emotion of faith. Where always I had found in her vast wells of knowledge, I also found an intensely emotional commitment to living for Christ first and foremost. Growing together and mutual aid had always been a priority, but never so intently as during these summer months.

As we fell in step parallel to the water’s edge, letting icy tendrils curl around our feet, the silence hung between us comfortably. We no longer needed words to fill the space. Love and history filled that void. I smiled at the image of the two of us walking side by side as different as the steady ocean waves and a downpour when the rainy season comes to the African plains. Black jeans, a t-shirt and functional sandals clothed Jenn’s body like conservatism and practicality clothed her life. My clothes spoke just as much about me. A sleeveless, fitted tank-top and Zambian sarong accompanied my bare feet, reveling in the earthy thrill that came with every step. We walked on, arriving at rock outcroppings that pierced the fragile beach and stung my bare feet as we clambered over them. Only then did I envy Jenn her protective sandals.

Jenn attends a fundamental Baptist congregation where women do not take roles of leadership over mixed groups. Assembly Mennonite, my church family, has three pastors, two of whom are women. Ed, Jenn’s father, is clearly the head of the family. In my family, my parents tend to draw on their strengths and each of them leads in different areas; however, my mother’s controlling personality often brings her into a place as leader. With these histories to draw from, there is little wonder that we disagreed when we discussed the topic of male headship and a system of hierarchy in the church and family. Both Jenn and I believe in absolute truth, so this left us in a bind. If there was one truth and we believe opposite things, then one of us was wrong. We could each support our own view, but acknowledged the strength in the other’s argument. Who was right? Respect did not allow us to dismiss the other’s view. This conundrum stared us full in the face.

Our feet carried us past beach houses and hotels filled with summer guests. The air was tainted with salt and sweetness, smells only the ocean can produce. Once more the soft sand gave way to rock. Jenn and I wandered separately over them, always mindful of the other’s location. Small pools of bitter water held sea anemones who closed tight on themselves when threatened, tiny scuttling crabs, and fragile starfish. The water was frigid, torturous, but I endured it, enjoying the intensity like a spicy meal or driving rhythm. I pushed out further on the rocks till I stood precariously just beyond the crashing arms of the ocean. When the waves became too intense I picked my way back, my feet punished against the sharp edges. Near the waterline I came to a gap in the rocks I could not cross and Jenn, being nearby, offered me her hand. We continued north again, our voices rising and falling like the ocean’s song.

I have always felt that Jenn’s was the safer faith. That somehow if I could only see it her way, not question the straightforward nature of her translations, I would capture some of the strength her faith possesses. Her journey has been and will most likely remain more linear than mine. There will be times when we will separate and take different routes, but we will keep track of the other’s walk. We will learn from one another and when we come to difficult stages, a hand will be there to help us across. And in the end the journey will take us to the same destination.

Tired, but content, Jenn and I reached Road’s End. A group of dogs called to each other, playing a game of tag. Looming above us, Cascade Head rambled into the ocean, angering the waves into white foam. We were finished, there was no further to go, our goal had been met. We sat side by side watching the blue-gray water rise to meet the welcoming sand.

Currently Playing Herding Cats By Gaelic Storm