23 08 2009

Reality feels a little fuzzy right now.  I just finished my first overnight shift and I’ve been up for about 21 hours.

There are some people who seem to be able to accept reality without qualm, rolling with the punches so to speak.  I can be that way most of the time, but sometimes, reality and what I want reality to be are not the same thing.  Usually in those circumstances, I try to discover any way possible to make them match up.  And I don’t do this by changing my expectations and desires, I do it by trying to change reality.  A really common example of this is work.  If I’m scheduled for a shift I really don’t want to work (say Saturday night), I’ll try and figure out an easy way to switch with someone, etc.  The sad part comes when even if I don’t find a way to change things, or decide that it’s not worth trying to change, the situation still feels a little fuzzy or unreal.  In the situation above a small part of me will feel like I don’t have to work.  Often it’s in direct correlation with how much I thought about trying to change the situation.  Somehow my brain tries to reject the reality that I don’t desire.  This happens with larger life realities as well.  I guess all of that is to say, I’d really like to learn how to change my attitude instead of always trying to change the situations I don’t like… or at least learn to pick my battles better.  And then I want to fully embrace that reality and lose the fuzziness.

Oz (he’s our new cat) is freaking out.  I think it’s because he’s hungry, but he can also just be a spaz sometimes.  But he’s still purring 🙂  I love cats that purr.




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