Finding strength

22 03 2006

Do you ever feel like life’s kicking your ass? Like life’s one long battle with yourself. I reached a breaking point tonight. I was staring at yet another unfinished paper and feeling like it was the worst paper I had ever written. And I just started to cry. All I wanted was to talk to a friend, to have a long chat, I almost got up and drove to school to find someone ( probably not the best plan at 1:30 in the morning), but then I realized that while it might make me feel better, it wouldn’t get the paper written, so I just started typing, and typed through the tears till they stopped, and now the paper’s done. But I still have ummm…. like 4 more. And a really messy room and car, and friends I haven’t seen in forever or talked to if they live far away, and I misunderstood when my first appointment with my councilor was going to be, so I missed that…. and when I tell myself that I’m too busy, I’m lying to myself. I guess I haven’t been telling myself that for a while, but I still use it as an excuse with other people. It’s not true, I’m not too busy, just too….. immature? lazy? broken? yeah that stuff. I just don’t care enough, or at least I won’t let myself care enough, because then I get really scared, and i care about everything too much and I just can’t think. yeah. whatever.




2 responses

22 03 2006

I know you have been going through a really rough time this semester and this is probably pretty cliche, but hey we only have around a month left!!! Then we are done, finished, over, and can move on! Three cheers for that. Oh and if you are wondering if you the only one who can’t motivate themselves worth crap. The only way I was able to persuade myself to work on my history paper last night was by bribing myself with the Brokeback Mountain Soundtrack. Yeah kinda pathetic….
Lots of love to you.

23 03 2006

Big hugs. Four papers? You ARE busy…I think we all have a tendency to be too hard on ourselves, expect too much…and then be crushed when we can’t keep on top of everything. At least, that’s kind of how I am. And if you ever need someone at 1:30 am, you’ve got my phone number – I might be sleepy, but I know what it’s like to need someone that much and be alone. Incidentally you’re still welcome to stop by for dinner whenever…and you’re welcome to use the apartment to write papers in if you absolutely need to get away from home! Take care of your self.

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