TCS, Ballet, and Mozart

Music: House Carpenter by Nickel Creek

Weekend recap:
friday night worked at the Bluegill: made $17 in tips 😦 that’s for a 7 hour shift
saturday, slept in too late, was fairly non-productive the rest of the day till 4 when i went to practice the song for my brother’s wedding, and then at 5 meet TCS (third culture students) to carpool to Galen Graber’s for a D.R/Brazilian meal. It’s so exciting to see so many people show up for TCS stuff. Then Lenora and Tobias picked me up and we meet the rest of the family at the Morris in South Bend to see “The Sleeping Beauty” performed by the Russian National Ballet.
The ballet was BEAUTIFUL! The prince was amazing, and all of the leads were just magnificent. 😀 I love beautiful things like that, they just make me happy. And it was cool to figure out that they had used some of the music from the Ballet in the Disney movie.
Sunday, I went to see the Requiem. Goshen College choirs + some community members performed the Mozart Requiem with the Fort Wayne Philharmonic Orchestra. It was a wonderful piece, and well done. I especially enjoyed the mezzo, but there wasn’t enough of her. I still like the Verdi Requiem better.
After the concert I made supper at the apartment, I love cooking and good company, so that was splendid then Katie, Jess and I went to a worship service that was designed to focus on the Feminine nature of God. Then a group of the girls hung out in the loft giving backrubs and discussing the service, our concepts of God, and social pressures on the sexes. Becca and I watched this week’s episode of “Beauty and the Geek”. She’s studying it for a class, and has me hooked. Then I went downstairs to hang out with Katie and Will while they made an apple pie. I’m still not sure I should be going to that apartment (Jesse lives there too) both for my sake, and for his…. is it fair of me to be in “his” space? Is it healthy for me? But my two primary guy friends live there too, so when I want to see them….. and in someways it’s better to see Jesse on a semi-regular basis when I know he could be there then once in a while randomly on campus. It’s getting easier, even seeing him with Suzi like I did last night, but it still makes me slightly nauseous and tense. Am I a glutton for self-punishment? At least I’m not trying to maintain a relationship with him like I’ve done in other breakups, although there’s a part of me that wants to. I mean…. just because of what happens doesn’t make him a horrible person, or someone I just no longer care about. But I’m giving myself alot more time before I try to relate to him again…. probably at least a year…. but we’ll see. And maybe I never will, maybe it won’t ever be worth the difficulty.
I was talking to the girls last night, and expressing some of the thoughts that I’ve been having lately about how thankful I am that all of this happened. Despite the pain, the deep, intense pain, and despite how scared I can be about life now, I can’t at this point imagine marrying anyone this summer, least of all Jesse. I can’t imagine not being this person who I am now that all of this has happened and changed the way I think about alot of primary things in my life. I like this person, I like her alot, I like that she wants more out of life than to get married and make him happy and have a couple kids, I like that she’s a bit angry, I like that she’s using that anger to be self-reliant.
So the weekend wasn’t academically productive… which is a really bad bad thing, but I’ll get it done somehow.

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