My words from another’s hands

Music: Belle nuit, O nuit (Remember Becca!)

Katie recently blogged about her breakup with Sol. I’m not sure if there’s anything that she said that didn’t resonate with how I feel. It was strange seeing in print some of what I’ve been feeling lately. Last night was a hard night. The first really hard night for a week or so. I had a good cry. It feels good to just let myself be sad, and that’s ok. It’s hard to let go of the way I feel for Jesse, because what is left is a large hole in my emotions. My love for Jesse filled that whole for so long, and it expanded and grew, and now that I’m trying to let go I have nothing to fill it with. I know there are things to fill it with, love for my family, and friends, and God, and myself, but right now those things are just encroaching on the outer rim of the wound. I feel like if I looked down I would see a gory hole taking up most of my chest and stomach area. It’s actually somewhat disappoint/frustrating that something so emotionally painful doesn’t lay you up the way a physical injury does. Not that I’d want to be laid up per say, only….. life shouldn’t be normal now! But that’s the childishness in me talking. The sensible me knows that wounds heal, and life DOES go on. It’s so wonderful that I have good friends surrounding me! And to have family and friends at home who are thinking of me and praying for me and sending encouraging e-mails. I love you all for loving me. There is nothing more important than love, and I have felt truly loved by many people, especially recently. Thankyou.

Advertisement