You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2007.
These questions come from Nicole whose blog first inspired me to start this project. I’ve been getting some great questions!
1. Has being a nanny affected/changed your views on motherhood, and if so how?
It has a lot, but instead of making me want to be a mother more or less, it has opened my eyes to the complexities of motherhood. I’ve seen how hard it is to be a parent. Loss of sleep, loss of autonomy. The guilt of not being with your baby at every possible moment, because that’s what a good mom does. Frustration over not being able to lose the baby weight. The expense. The maturity it takes to stay sane and keep up your marriage and other relationships while caring for this little being who is totally dependent on you.
But I’ve also seen how the girls reach for their mothers above all others. How they will be calmer in their mother’s arms than they are with me. I’ve experience great joy caring for these two wee ones, but nothing compared to what I can see their mothers experience. I look forward to having that some day.
I think being a nanny had deepened my already strong desire to have children, but it has also strengthened my desire to wait until I am much more mature and have a well-established marriage.
2. If you could only use one spice for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Curry. I love oregano, but it would have to be curry. I love Thai and Indian food too much to give it up.
oh wait… does salt count?
3. What is the one political/moral issue that you try to stay away from (because you think it’s silly, it makes you uncomfortable, etc.)?
Abortion. Because I have a view that not many people appreciate. I think abortion is completely wrong. I think that it is psychologically unhealthy for the mother and that we do not have the insight to know the point when life begins. At the same time, I am not pro-life in the political use of the term. I don’t think abortion should be illegal and I am bothered by how many resources are used to try and make it so. Why not use those resources instead to alleviate the “need” for abortions? Isn’t there an old proverb about the man who kept pulling drowning people out of a river until he went up river and stopped the man who was throwing them in? Sort of like that. There are social issues that lead to the prevalence of abortion that need to be solved before even thinking about making abortion illegal is really going to help anything. We know from history that making abortion illegal does more harm than good.
Ok, it’s not completely true that I stay away from it. I actually said basically the same thing in a recent post, but in my “real life” often I won’t get into it.
Oh, and legalizing marijuana. I’m not saying it should be legal, but please… cigarettes, alcohol, even some prescription drugs… I feel that it’s hypocritical of our government and doesn’t make any logical sense to make it illegal when there are much worse things that are “acceptable”.
4. What is your favorite quote/passage from a book you’ve read?
I adore quotes. I have to choose one! Humm… well, I don’t want to be clique, but I Corinthians 13 is the most meaningful piece of writing I’ve ever read. If I had a creed this would be it. I wish I could love in the way this passage describes.
Taken from the NRSV:
13 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast(a), but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12For now we see in a mirror, dimly(b), but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
(a) Other ancient authorities read body to be burned (b) Gk in a riddle
and because I can’t help myself, here’s a quote from “Memoirs of a Geisha” (the book) that has been very meaningful to me in the last year.
“Grief is a most peculiar thing; we’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it.”
5. If past lives exist, what are you convinced that you were (and in what time period)?
Definitely a cat. And hopefully in ancient Egypt. They worshipped/pampered cats.
Thanks for the questions 
More interviews to come, but I’m in Niagara Falls with Mike right now, and trying to store up as much of him as I can before he goes abroad in a few days.
I was recently inspired to retrace the steps of my interview meme to see how widespread it was. And boy howdy! what a big blogging world there is out there! I decided to stop once I had traced back 10 blogs. I found some really neat ones that will most likely see me again on a regular basis. And since I’ve been having a bit of blogger’s block lately I decided to ask each of them to interview me. If each of them respond that will be 50 questions, which should keep me busy for a while. Here was my first response.
Christine asked…
1) In a recent post you talked about BYU’s alternative commencement ceremony as a protest to Dick Cheney being the commencement speaker. Imagine instead that the speaker was Hillary Clinton, how would your post have read if students were reacting in the same manner?
You know, I thought about that as I was writing the post. To be realistic, I probably wouldn’t have been paying as much attention to the news in the first place if it had been Hillary, but let’s say that it was… Howard Dean. I probably wouldn’t read the blog of someone who felt that way about Howard Dean. Not because I want to be close-minded, but how often do we relate to someone with vastly different views? And I’ll be the first to admit that I have to fight the urge to be closed off to views I don’t agree with.
But, I hope that I would respect the ideology behind the protest, and the manner in which it is being carried out. I feel that honest, peaceful dissent is the best way to bring about change, and is necessary to keep the government in check. I believe I would feel this way even if things were run exactly how I’d want them to be run (or at least I really hope). We need open dialog to keep up with the changing world and to create a more respectful society.
2) If you could describe your ideal day in one sentence, what would it be?
My ideal day would be warm, barefoot, earthy, creative, and end relaxing in the arms of someone I love.
3) You need someone to know the most important thing about you, immediately. What is it?
That’s so hard! There are a lot of things I could say, but I think the most important thing is sort of two things that are closely related. I was born in Zaire (we left when I was an infant), and then when I was 9 my parents and I moved to Zambia after my closest sister graduated from H.S. Part of my schooling in Zambia took place at a British boarding school.
Ok, I’m sort of cheating, because it’s really two things, but whatever. So the Africa part is important because there’s a part of me that will always want to be in Africa. My happiest, most vivid childhood memories are from our two years there, and it’s my birthplace. The boarding school bit is important because that was when I started to separate my identity from my family. I also attended boarding school for H.S. and that had a larger impact, but I trace the roots of my independent nature to that experience.
4) What did you want your name to be, when you were a little girl? Why was it your favorite name?
There wasn’t any particular name, although I liked the name Gabrielle, I just wanted my name to be more unique. My brother’s and sisters all got cool uncommon names. Karis, Andre’ and Lenora. Then there’s me, Stephanie. There were 4 Stephanies in my elementary class alone. Remember that British boarding school I was talking about? There were 16 kids, and another Stephanie. In H.S. I lived in the room next to another Stephanie Ann. My dad likes to tell people that Stephanie was the most popular name in Nebraska (where he’s from) the year I was born.
5) What would you change about yourself, if anything?
I would live more in the moment. This would change me in two major ways. First off I wouldn’t procrastinate so much because why not do something right now instead of putting it off till later? And more importantly, I wouldn’t worry about my life turning out the way I want it to so much. I can really stress myself out with that one.
I think this is cool, and would encourage others to sign the petition. I probably wouldn’t be as keen on it if the speaker was someone I admired, but I’d hope that I would respect the ideology behind it.
From Rebecca…
Dick Cheney is speaking at the BYU commencement (that’s not the good news) and, in an unusual show of rebelliousness, some students and faculty are protesting by holding what C.L. Hanson has deemed “the world’s politest protest” – an alternative commencement (that’s the good news – you can show your support by signing a petition).
Oh, and to read about a pretty scary thing that happened to me yesterday, see my nanny blog.
I recently cited slurping noodles as a sound I hate, and Abby commented asking me how I handled China with such a dislike. The truth is that particular answer came to mind because I had read this old SST journal the night before. Enjoy.
Eating Noodles
Eating at the Wai Ban noodle shop when it’s busy is a study in patience for me. Especially when I’m tired. Not much grates at my nerves more than hearing people eat. The slurp, slurp that accompanies a Chinese person eating noodles annoys my senses so much, it almost causes physical pain. I have a feeling that it is akin to what most people experience when they hear fingernails on a chalk board, only the sound continues for about 10 minutes. As children in the States we are taught not to slurp our soup or cereal, to close our mouths when we eat and not to talk with our mouths full. In China, none of these things seem particularly taboo. Other less physical annoyances confront me in China. Pouty girls and the way they beat on their boyfriends, or seek solace from them in very public ways. I think mostly this offends my sensibilities as a feminist. Pushing and shoving, blank stares as response to a smile of greeting, spitting; all of these things are in some way breaking with the social code of conduct that is ingrained in me. But, I’m the outsider here; I’m the one who has entered a place with a different social code. One that i don’t know and don’t understand. You can’t teach those kind of things, not really. You can tell someone about large taboos, but there are so many small things that we do or don’t do without realizing it. We could never think of all of them. I wonder how many times I have put my foot somewhere that a Chinese person never would, said something in a way that a Chinese person wouldn’t dare, or any number of things I’ve never even thought about.
I recently opted to be interviewed, so here we go.
Red Dirt Road asked…
1. What’s your favorite Board Game? If you don’t like board games,
what’s your favorite Card Game? If you don’t like games, tell us why?
My favorite board game is probably either Acquire or the Farming Game, but I really prefer card games. Tichu definitely gains the title of favorite card game and has close associations with China SST. I also really enjoy Rook and Dutch Blitz, both of which are very popular among Mennonites. I suck at choosing favorites.
2. Are you left-handed or right-handed? Ambidextrous?
Interesting that you should ask! I’m am actually left handed. I am in my right mind. I’m a south paw. I’m pretty prideful about my left-handedness because it is the only non-dominate trait of mine that I’m aware of, and because it’s pretty darn cool. It does have its disadvantages though. First of all, written language was created for right handed people, so the way we form letters and words is awkward for left handed people. Plus your hand tends to smear the ink or lead unless you write with your paper sideways like some left handed people do. Some instruments like scissors only work with the right hand unless you have specially made “lefties”. When signing, you should always line a list of dates from the center of your body out. I just couldn’t get this concept into my hands because in my mind, dates always go from left to right in a continuum of time. Sorry, if you’re not an ASL person it’s hard to explain in writing. I remember being extremely frustrated in my interpreting class when we had a whole assignment based on listing dates and I just couldn’t get it right. I am however a right handed gymnast, and I’ve never figured out which way I should bat.
3. If you had to keep only one book and one album for the rest of your
life, what would they be and why?
There’s a copy of The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein that my oldest sister gave me when I was young that is very dear to my heart. Album…. humm… that’s harder. I feel that it would be cheating a bit to say the mixed cd that Mike made me, so… I think I’d have to go with Graceland by Paul Simon with Ladysmith Black Mambazo. It has a nice mix of differently toned music, some upbeat and some slower, and has elements of African music which have a way of connecting with a deeply buried part of me.
4. Have you ever played a joke on someone and it went horribly wrong and
you felt really bad afterwards? Tell us about it.
It didn’t go “bad” per say, I just still cringe a bit when I think about it. I had a small crush on my gymnastics coach in high school (he was probably about 4 or 5 years older than me) and one April fools day I convinced my friends that he had asked me out and that we were going on a date after gym that night. I started setting it up a couple days before telling one of my friends that we had been flirting. They bought it, but were clearly concerned for me and told me to be careful. I didn’t do the whole “April fool’s, I gotcha” bit till later that night after I got home from gym. The part that I cringe about is that I made them worry, and that I told him about it, and it clearly made him a little uncomfortable. Ah, high school, such foolish years, but so fun.
5. If you were a superhero, what would your name be?
SuperNanny! (I wish)
To play along…
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Ready…. Set…. Go!
from Overheard in Chicago
Guy: (on cell) “…and when he opened the gift, it was a copy of the Book of Mormon! What do you mean, ‘So what?’ It was a BAR MITZVAH!”
I’ve enjoyed reading about Mary’s childcare experiences over at It’s Not All Mary Poppins, and I’m taking this meme from her.
1. What is your favorite word?
I think my favorite words come from my Mennonite/Anabaptist heritage. I love the words Agape and Jubilee. I think my favorite Spanish word might be biblioteca, it just has such a nice ring, but I’m sure that’s just because I haven’t studied or spoken Spanish in a long, long time. One of my favorite signs is “turtle”, another is “EARLY”.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Possibly wench, but that’s just what comes to mind.
3. What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)?
A really good singer, dancing (especially ballroom, uuummmm… balero and argentine tango, like sex on hardwood 
, a sunlit deciduous woods
4. What turns you off?
snobiness and people who are sarcastic in a demeaning way.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
bloody hell, I never use it though, I probably like it because it’s British.
6. What sound or noise do you love?
Cello music, a cat’s purr, and baby babble/giggles
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
noodles being slurped, my alarm clock, anything that makes noise when my babies are sleeping.
8. What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?
Marriage councilor (someday when, you know, I’ve been married for a while), school councilor, musical theater actress, interior designer, mid-wife, linguist, teacher, ceramicist. Some of those are more realistic than others.
9. What profession would you not like to attempt?
Doctor, especially an anesthesiologist, or surgeon (first off, there are 3 doctors in my immediate family, we don’t need anyone else in the medical profession. second, I’m terrified of needles, and would not be able to deal with having people’s lives in my hands like that), anything where you had no interaction with people, any corporate job.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
I always loved you even at your worst.
I just finished reading a post from A Girl and a Boy. She talks about how in life we often think of each step as a step up, bigger apartment, more amenities, better paying job, etc. She offers instead the idea of life as a web on which we can move in all directions. She also talks about how each time we make changes in our life, we often sacrifice in order to gain.
This is actually something I’ve been thinking alot about since finding out that Mike’s going to be in Chicago next spring. I’m ecstatic about the fact that I’ll see him more. I’ve always disliked the fact that we have trouble knowing some of the more mundain elements of each other’s lives because when we are together it’s a bit like being in a bubble. We alter our normal routines, and spend alot of concentrated time together often just the two of us.
I’m also relieved that I know longer have to deal with the black hole of uncertainty that existed because we had no real concept of when we would be in the same place. A year, two years, three? Could I wait that long? Was he worth waiting for? I fought that battle recently, and came through with a resounding “yes, for now I chose this path”. I want to see this relationship to the end, whatever end that might be. But it was still really hard not to be scared. Especially because there are parts of my subconscious that are still afraid that I’m destined to be continually rejected by the men I fall for. Discarded for a better model because they didn’t truly love me, I just tricked them into thinking they did by loving them as hard as I could.
But now it’s a solid, tangible 10 months. Still a while, and there’s no guarantee that he’ll stay in Chicago after he graduates, but at least I have this three months to look forward to and hold onto when I get impatient with the long distance.
But what am I giving up? There are always sacrifices to be made even if we don’t see them till much later. The one that I’ve been thinking about is the dynamic I have with my roommates. I’ve already had to make sacrifices with my time with them because of my relationship with Mike, but that’s going to intensify when he’s living within visiting distance. I will have to be more conscious of how I use my time, and how my relationship with Mike is affecting my relationships with the girls, and apartment dynamics as a whole. If Mike and I work out, I’ll have years to spend with him, but I will only be living with these girls for two years, and most likely we’ll all move in different directions and spread out across the country and quite possibly the world in the coming years. Being in community with them is a luxury I try very hard not to take for granted. Hopefully there will be no regrets.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Mike has changed his plans for next spring!!!!!
Instead of living all the way across the country, he’ll be living all the way across town. I’ll get to see him more than a few days a month. And chances of him wanting to stick around greatly increase if his internship turns into a job. Could I be happier? Only if I wasn’t scared that it’s somehow life’s way of tricking me into being happy before ripping out my heart and stomping on it. I’m a little scared to believe that it’s actually going to happen, because it would be hard to get used to another idea after becoming comfortable with such a wonderful thought. God, our relationship is a rollercoaster, even I’m having trouble keeping up.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First I want to direct you all to a blog I recently started reading. Alex writes intelligently about issues he is obviously passionate about, and his take on the issue of legal rights for homosexuals made me very happy. While I don’t agree with the theological side of what he said, I can totally get behind separating the ideas of legal union from religious marriage. The Church needs to deal with the issue of homosexual marriage, but what’s the government got to do with it? Alex says it much more eloquently.
Second, I want to say how grateful I am to see a fellow Western grad (Alex was a class below me) finding his own voice and religious/social/political views and not just swallowing the lines we were given. I’m sure many alumni go on to do this, but I also wonder how many don’t. Looking back, I can see how some where, probably due to outside influences, already learning this skill, but I for one certainly was not. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me backtrack.
I went to a conservative Mennonite high school in Oregon. I boarded,so in many ways that school was my entire life. I have many fond memories from my four years there, and I do not regret having been sent by my parents who were living in Washington state at the time in a town with a pathetic excuse for a school system. I received a good education, made some wonderful friend, had the opportunity to be highly involved with quite a few activities, and was sheltered from many of the negative choices that so many other high schoolers are presented with.
What I don’t appreciate was the close-mindedness that the school embodied. I do not think Western is a bad school, only I hope that it can develop a different environment. One that encourages students to find answers for themselves. One that provides all the information and then equips its students to find their place among the choices. I feel that we were told what to think and believe. That we were presented with alot of one sided worldviews. We were preached at instead of guided. We had a few teachers who encouraged the idea of “courtship” and waiting to have your first kiss on your wedding day. We had a mock election when Bush was running for the first time, and he won by a landslide. There were very little discussions about the complexity of many moral issues. Were they so afraid that we couldn’t make good decisions for ourselves that they had to spoon feed us the answers? Homosexuality? Wrong. Abortion? Wrong. Per-marital sex (or anything for that matter)? Wrong.
Now this environment was due in part to the students as well as the faculty, and there were those among the faculty who I can see now tried to present alternatives, but they had to be discrete about it or jeopardize their positions. Stick to the script or your not welcome here. Our bible teacher was one such person. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I have come to appreciate him as a teach more and more. I remember discussing women leadership in the church during New Testament, and how he set Paul’s writing in a cultural context and the idea that it belonged in that context and not necessarily all contexts as a possible interpretation. I remember him stepping on some toes with that one. This same teacher’s job was recently in jeopardy when he gave his yearly “Swearing” lecture where he demonstrates the difference between using socially unacceptable words or “dirty language” and swearing an oath or using the Lord’s name in vain. He prefaces this lecture with the invitation for anyone who would rather not hear “swearing” to go to the library yet he still was required by the school to write a letter of apology because of parental complaints.
Another story I heard that boiled my blood also happened after I graduated. A graduate of Western (and Goshen) is now a successful opera singer living in Germany. She also happens to be a lesbian. She visited the school one year and graced our humble school with her presence. The next year after the music teach had invited her to come again, he was told to uninvited her. She was not welcome on campus. She was not coming to talk about her live style. She was coming to sing and to interact with the choir. When asked if she could at least come and spend time with the choir, the answer was no. She’s an alumna for goodness sake! She’s not allowed to visit her own high school? Is this what we call the acceptance of Christ? Is this following his example of welcoming the lepers, the whores, and the tax collectors? Not that I see it that way, but even if they don’t agree with her lifestyle, isn’t that still being hypocritical?
Needless to say, I’m still figuring out how I feel about my alma mater. There’s still some bitterness that I need to work through. It was hard getting to college and realizing that I was behind many of my classmates when it came to being able to make my own moral discussions. I had a long road ahead of me breaking down walls that had been built in me. I have not abandoned all that I was taught at Western. (I still don’t agree that abortion is a morally sound choice, but I also realize that social issues involved make it an issue that cannot be solved by making it illegal; there is so much more that needs to happen before that can be a feasible option. First let us eradicate poverty, discrimination based on race and gender, the subjugation of women, rape, etc. Then let’s talk about the ways to get rid of the other causes of abortion.*) But I found that I had so many beliefs that I didn’t really understand. I’ve also dealt with quite a bit of guilt about rejecting some of those beliefs. Mostly I just hope that the school can grow and learn how to help their students develop strong moral convictions based on open discussion and a clear knowledge of all the different facets of the topic at hand. Maybe these changes are already taking place, and I just haven’t heard about them. Mine is also just one story, and there may be graduates of Western who experienced something very different. But that is my story, and my beef. Kudos to anyone who actually made it to the end of this post.
* A rant within a rant. How do I ever stay on point?
